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Monday, March 5, 2007

Forget All Star Weekend, The Real Horror Was UNC-Duke Weekend

Steelers' Kicker Jeff Reed. Another football player reeking havoc at basketball event.

The past few weeks, since Vegas hosted NBA All Star weekend: we have heard stories of debauchery, crime, fear and general unrest in Sin City. We heard about the "black KKK" and Hip Hop Woodstock. We heard from some that it was exaggerated and overstated. We even saw a rebuttal aimed at one of the guys that said it wasn't so bad.

Well, we at NOIS will let those egos battle it out over what happened in Vegas. We have a suspicion that what really happened in Vegas will stay in Vegas. At least as it relates to the clash of the Titanic egos involved in those disputes.

With that controversy in mind, it was hard not to be wary as we headed to Chapel Hill, NC to partake in another great basketball tradition. The UNC-Duke weekend game. Alumni from around the country head to Chapel Hill to be there for the festivities and excitement that can only come from your team standing tall to face Satan himself in the earthly form of coach KKK.

From the start, we recognized all the signs of gang culture. That same culture so prevalent in Vegas. We saw droves of people all sporting light blue. Everywhere you looked. Light blue shirts and hats. Is blue the Bloods or Crips? We don't remember. But we do know, that our bow ties and dark suits certainly made us feel like targets. And then as we got deeper into things, we saw the hard core thugs repping such entities as "Sigma Chi" and "Delta Tau Delta". Proudly flaunting their signs and colors, knowing that even the police would not dare get in their way as they marauded the streets like packs of wild dingos on the hunt.

The Satuday night before the game, we decided to venture out onto Chapel Hill's version of the strip, Franklin Street. It was crowded and there was an excitement in the air about the chance to complete the first season sweep of Duke in any one's memory. But there was also a certain fear you could see in many people's eyes.

We looked around and saw that, apparently, Chapel Hill had learned nothing from Vegas' ordeal with ASW. Cops were few and far between. We saw Officer Quick at his usual spot, near Players' talking to young women. But for some reason that didn't make us feel any safer.

We decided to head into one of the clubs, Players, to see if the same sort of horrible debauchery and nastiness would carry over from Vegas.

It was intimidating to say the least. Mostly young white folks, dancing off beat and downing Jaeger shots as they whipped themselves into a festive mob. The alcohol flowed like wine, as the crowd thickened. Being pushed, shoved or having your bow tie tweaked was the risk if you chose to try to sidle up to the bar or make the way through the crowd to the rest room.

We spoke to a well built Negro bouncer near the door. He seemed edgy and at ill ease.

"Sometimes, I really have to consider the risks I take coming to work here everyday. Just last week, there was a brawl between a Sigma Nu and a Sig Ep. The Sig Ep had scuffed the Sigma Nu's oxfords, and things just escalated from there. There was name calling and finger pointing, the likes of which I've never seen. Sometimes this place is just real violent", said the anxious bouncer.

And then it happened. Just like in Vegas, the allure of a big game in a fun town (and don't forget the sorostitutes strategically placed throughout the bar) draws celebrities and athletes. We saw what looked like some sort of entourage being escorted to the head of the line at the door. Dressed in abercrombie and vintage tees, the entourage had every one's attention as they sauntered into the club. Clearly feeling that this was their personal playground.

Then the man in the lead made his presence known. None other than Steelers' kicker Jeff Reed. He sauntered in with hair spiked up in a devil may care do. Letting the world know that he was the man. He wore a shirt that said "I Carry No Ca$h", basically telling anyone that could read that as a pro athlete; he expected EVERYTHING to be comped.

Reed and his cohorts terrorized the bar. Forcibly taking over an entire corner.

Certainly, everyone was aware of the melee caused in the proximity of his fellow
NFL player (Pacman Jones), and not wanting to be shot, folks let Reed and his crew do
their dirt.

At one point, after ordering shots, we saw Reed "make it rain" for the cute female bartender by tossing a twenty dollar bill as a tip to her.

Over the dj's speakers, hip hop music blared.

And conscientious and concerned Negroes shed a tear.


Anonymous said...

No comment on KKK using one of his negros to thug it up. Why didn't he send Scheyer out there to send a message?

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"No comment on KKK using one of his negros to thug it up."

Sir, it's coming. You know it is.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe your not in an uproar about the young Duke negro being assulted by the white media and white sports writers!

If Hansbrough was a Nego, and Henderson was the white devil, they would have said Hansbrough had it coming for running the score up.

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"I can't believe your not in an uproar"

Sir, sometimes it is best to simmer for a moment.

We fully recognize that Henderson has been lynched for the world to see.

We are gathering the details to present the truth.

the butler said...

Soooooo...Jeff Reed went to UNC?

And I thought Duke was supposed to have the monopoly on gay white dudes?

Coach KKK, huh? That's pretty clever. I bet it took you five whole seconds to come up with such brilliance. Also very original. I think you're the first person I've read that hates Duke. What a concept!

Congratulations, you have joined the biggest bandwagon in sports history.

I bet I can tell you a few things about yourself. You liked the Bulls when they won. You liked the Bears in 1985. You like the Yankees. Well, now maybe the Red Sox. You liked the USA Dream Team. I bet you even have a fresh, un-worn Indianapolis Colts Super Bowl Champs T-shirt that you're just waiting to break out in front of all your little friends.

Have you ever blogged about a coach that really is racist, like in real life? Maybe like Adolph Rupp?

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"And I thought Duke was supposed to have the monopoly on gay white dudes?"

Sir, nope. Just a high concentration. Alumn?

You know us too well!

We tried reading your blog, but the bandwith your four visitors were eating up precluded us from gaining entry.

Keep up the good work!

And coach KKK likes his balls gently massaged. You are too rough.

the butler said...

Not an alum, nope. Raised a Duke fan by my alum family- my grandfather went there back when they were good at football and not so good at basketball.

Pardon me if I tweaked a nerve with the bandwagon fan accusation...I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I was only trying to keep consistent with the insulting nature of the entire blog. I thought it was all in good satirical fun. Are we not in the tree of trust...with the nest?

I love that people hate Duke. It's actually very flattering that people are more passionate about Duke (even if it is negative passion) than they are about their own teams.

And also I would like to congratulate you on your blogalistic superiority. How could I even hope to approach your popularity? It crushes my spirit that I would lose a comment contest with you, because blogging is my LIFE!

I do this for fun, man. I just enjoy taking fun jabs at people that hate Duke. It makes me happy. It elicits reactions that you don't expect.

I thought you would come back with a little more wit (like most of your comments)...rather than point out the lack of comments on our humble little ramblings blog.

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

Sir, as you are obviously able to tell, there is a satirical component to our blog (some people don't get it).

I have to confess, the post may be exaggerated, but hate for Duke is real.

We have covered many topics on this blog. And received many vicious comments and emails. And NONE got under our skin.

But, your challenging our genuine hatred for Duke did that. We admit, that is our achilles heel, and we lost our cynical/sarcastic/tongue in cheek objectivity!

In other words, your comment is the first one that we will admit beat us.

There you go.

the butler said...

No hard feelings brother from another mother. I actually just found your site through the Deadspin link, and loved the satirical element.

Getting people all hot and bothered is so much fun! You guys do a good job.

I look forward to reading y'all in the future, and won't gloat over my one victorious comment too much.

Just curious...which teams do you LIKE? Just in case I wanna slam on 'em.

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

Sir, you should be able to gleen from the postings which team we support. Hint: The creator made the sky light blue for a reason.