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Friday, January 12, 2007

The Conspiracy to Rid the NFL of Negro Head Coaches

As another regular season of the Negroes For Labor league came to an end, two venerable Negro head coaches found themselves out of jobs. The season started with 7 and now there are five. However, attempts to do undo the other coaches were evident to even the untrained eye.

In Oakland, a bastion of Negro culture and refinement, Art Shell was removed from the leading role. Mr. Shell, a member of the football Hall of Fame and a Raider to the end, had taken on the unenviable task of being the plantation "trustee" for one Al Davis. Shell, an honorable and well respected man moved forward with workman like stoicism. Never raising his voice or showing emotion, rarely complaining about the hand he had been dealt, and almost never raising so much as a brow on the sidelines during games. Set up for failure in an effort by the powers that be in an effort to degrade the reputation of Negro coaches everywhere, Mr. Shell did his best with what he had. The end result: one year's work and a pink slip. Reports of Al Davis' demise and diminished thought capacity are greatly exaggerated. Davis clearly masterminded this sabotage attempt on the progression of Negro coaches.

Out in the desert of Arizona, the venerable coach Denny Green was hired to revive a once proud franchise (well, he was hired to revive a franchise). Equipped with a supposedly powerful offense, the expectations were high for Mr. Green. The media saddled Mr. Green with these expectations based on what they saw on paper. A talented rookie QB, a former pro bowl running back and two excellent receivers were to bring success to the Cardinals. Many predicted them as a dark horse (their term, not ours) candidate for a run to the Super Bowl. What the media didn't dwell on was the poor offensive line and habitual lunacy of the ownership. Here, unattainable expectations were levied against this team and the result was watching the blame settle squarely on the broad shoulders of the Negro coach. Another shot from the grassy knoll directed at Negro coaches everywhere.

In Cincinatti and Chicago, it would not be so easy to get rid of the Negro coaches. Both were successful and had made playoff runs the year before and while the Bengals didn't make the playoffs this year; it would be near impossible to fire the coach of that franchise (based on it's pathetic history) for a .500 season. Lovie Smith enjoyed the protection of having the best record in his conference. Assassinating the careers of these two coaches would be an almost insurmountable prospect.

At this point, the conspiracy widens. In Cincinatti, an epidemic of player arrests was implemented in an effort to affront the character of the coach and ignite a grassroots call for his dismissal by claiming he could not control his team. The owners of the franchise, despite a history of mismangement and horrible decision making, knew that even they would not be able to get away with firing Marvin Lewis based on his record. So, rather than that, they risked race riots all over again in Cincinatti by soliciting the help of the police force to dismantle the team Lewis put together. For now, Lewis job is safe, but he has been backed into a corner. It will no longer be sufficient for him to do anything less than suspend or dismiss his players for future "infractions". I fear, that the next round of Bengal arrests will ultimately cost Lewis his job as he will be forced to field a less talented team.

The Halas descendents in Chicago took a bit of a different route in their effort to depose Lovie Smith. Rather than conspiring with the police to conjure up a series of relatively minor offenses, the Bears went with drugs, weapons and murder. Sacrificing Tank Johnson in an effort to destroy the coaching career of Smith. This was the most desperate attempt, and seems to be the one least likely to succeed.

That leaves three black head coaches.

We won't count Romeo Crennel, as he is coaching a minor league team in Cleveland.

Tony Dungy is widely considered one of the most decent men in the NFL, and non-threatening Negroes. So, the idea of destroying his career might be counterproductive. A token or two are required and sought after (the Rooney Rule, which we will address in a future entry). But, his ultimate success and the winning of championships are something that the powers that be can not allow. A Negro coach winning it all would be devasting to their plans. So, Dungy is saddled with the ultimate gristmill around his neck. Peyton Manning. The second coming of Dan Marino will ensure that Dungy never hoists the Lombardi Trophy in victory.

In Kansas City, the suspicious death of Lamar Hunt might eventually be the undoing of Herman Edwards. Mr. Hunt brought Edwards to the Chiefs, and now, he is no longer their to protect him.

Negro coaches in the NFL are marked men and sacrificial lambs. Hired in an effort to present an image of equality and opportunity. Destroyed in an effort to maintain the status quo and solidify the position of the oppressor.


Anonymous said...

You missed the most obvious conspiracy of all. Rex Grossman, a white man, is trying to throw games on purpose to make Lovie Smith look bad! There's no other reason someone who looked as good as he did in the beginning of the season is so horrible now. His KKK brethren must have called in a favor, and promised him the starter's role back when their new white head coach is hired.

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

Sir, that would be all too obvious. The white devil is far more devious than that.

Dirty Sanchez said...

Using comedy to perpetuate hurtful stereotypes. The devious devil at work again!

Landru said...

I believe that you are correct about that. As has been well-documented in other places, the Grossman conspiracy clearly centers on indiscriminately weakening the bloodlines of all cultures. Or at least of any culture that happens to be in his line of fire.

Undercover Soul Brother said...

Damn it! 1st commentator beat me to it! It might be obvious to you, NOISB, but look beyond the thin sheet of Football: the Cannon was brought to Chicago to take the fine nubian sisters away from the birthplace of the Nation of Islam, of Rainbow Coalition, of Robinson's Ribs... Damn you Whitie!!
Be afraid of Rexy:

Anonymous said...

Nation of Islam sportsblogger, I must ask why you diddnt feel the need to capitalism Islam in your username?

Also, is there anything I, a white male, could do to be more accepted by the brotherhood?

Nat said...

I don't believe in a conspiracy to rid the league of black head coaches, but I due believe the old stereotypes of black men being all brawn and no brains are still in play. In the end these white owners are too insecure to make a black man their #1 team strategist unless he fulfills the "tax".
Al Davis' archaic team philosophy HAS been a career-killer since Gruden, it's true...

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"Nation of Islam sportsblogger, I must ask why you diddnt feel the need to capitalism Islam in your username?"

Sir, your attempts to both undermine my intelligence and your mock respect shall be the justification of when you are the recipient of an eternity of segregated damnation.

The powers that be behind this bloghost chose to criminally install the diminished letters.

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...


Sir, true indeed, the black ass is always being taxed.

Anonymous said...

my understanding is that there are so few black coaches because running a football game is too difficult for the colored man's smaller brain.

now if the black coach has excellent, (WHITE) assistants, then it is possible for a black man to succeed as a head coach. otherwise a black head coach is a sacrificial lamb, to be slaughtered by the superior plannings of the more evolved white coaches.

now black players are superior defenders, the violence nature of defense is, as we know, second nature to the original humans

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"now if the black coach has excellent, (WHITE) assistants, then it is possible for a black man to succeed as a head coach"

Sir, we need look no further than the National Champion Florida Gators to effectively issue the fatal blow to your "theory". I'm sure you would agree, the Gators' defensive scheme was masterful (apologies for use of this term) in shutting down the Buckeyes. White Head coach relies on Negro defensive coordinator. Best of luck to you and your "large" brain. For future reference, the Sahara dessert region is a large area; but it is barren and empty. Dig?

Dirty Sanchez said...

"For future reference, the Sahara dessert region is a large area; but it is barren and empty. Dig?"

I've never had a Sahara dessert. It has to taste better than one of those nasty bean pies though.

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"I've never had a Sahara dessert."

Sir, your critique of the typo is dually noted. Thank you.

Nat said...

Two black head coaches in the Super Bowl; I doubt they will be fired anytime soon.

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"Two black head coaches in the Super Bowl; I doubt they will be fired anytime soon. "

Sir, we agree. And we appreciate your admital that the Negro makes a much better head coach than the white devil.