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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Huge Upgrade In Dallas Cowboys' Locker Room

Finally, the intense negotiations are over.

Pacman Jones apparently will be a Dallas Cowboy. Chalk this up as another feather in the hat of Owner Jerry Jones.

Certainly, the on-field benefits of having a player of the caliber of Pacman are tangible. Speed, quickness, agility and heart. A franchise corner and game breaking returner rolled into one. On that alone, Jones should get NFL executive of the year for stealing Pacman from the Titans.

But, throw in the intangibles...and Jones put together the greatest deal since he built a dynasty by virtually stealing 3 years of drafts from the Vikings for Herschel Walker.

Pacman is a throwback to the 90's Cowboys. He returns the swagger that Michael Irvin, Nate Newton and the rest of the bad 'Boys brought to Dallas.

The Cowboys have a relatively young squad in need of mature leadership in the locker room. The offense is steadied under the lead and example set by Terrell Owens. And now, the defense finally has someone to take the lead.

Pacman's return to football, after taking a Jordan-esque year off to try his hand at becoming a two sport superstar, has been much anticipated and talked about. And, now with the controversy of having improbably been shot at in a strip club behind him (and the apparent apprehension of the degenerate who handled the weapon), Pacman can fully concentrate on not only bringing his football skills to the Cowboys; but, on setting the example of personal betterment and achievement that the rest of the Cowboys can use as a blueprint to become champions on and off the field.

Part of Pacman's plan during his sabbatical was to continue his education at West Virginia University. Thereby meeting the need of setting an example for young people and fellow players (who never finished their degrees) that education is more important than athletics. So important, that the finest young corner-returner in the league was willing to take a year off to pursue knowledge and further his education.

Certainly, Pacman' pursuit of two-sport stardom (wrestling) infringed a bit on his educational schedule; but nonetheless, Pacman was able to set the example American youth need:

"I'm doing a couple classes online. I was thinking about going back to school, but I didn't really think that I wanted to go back to school. I'm actually taking a class, one class, online. That's about it."

So, with his commitment to education fully demonstrated, Pacman worked out a plan with Las Vegas Police and Clark County District Attorney's office to use his celebrity to bring attention to the importance of community service. Pacman, unlike many athletes who just lend their names to a cause, undertook the hands on performance of 200 hours of community service.

Education and community service have now become synonymous with Pacman Jones. And clearly, Owner Jones felt that adding someone -as the face of the Cowboys' - who had real and demonstrated accomplishments in those areas was necessary to take the team to the next level.

So, while the anticipated result of having Pacman on the roster is that the Cowboys will now be the NFC's version of the Patriots; the real world results will be far deeper reaching.

Owner Jones has fully demonstrated that in the big money world of pro sports, just being a superior athlete is not enough. You must bring more to the table. So he put his money where his mouth is and decided to make the face of America's Team a true American hero:

"I hope people consider Adam a hero in all of this," Jones' lawyer Robert Langford told the Las Vegas Review-Journal. "In a lot of neighborhoods in America, West Coast and East Coast, you just shut up. Adam didn't do that. He decided it wasn't right that someone was going to get away with hurting a bunch of people."

We applaud Owner Jones for his unwavering commitment to the personal development and character of players.

And we anticipate that putting Pacman on his roster will produce exactly what America expects of a modern day sports hero.

31 comments:

Joseph said...

Simply put, this is the greatest piece of written work I have ever laid my eyes on.

Dave the Wave said...

you're blind, right?

Mack Power said...

honestly, i don't even believe that he took an online course!

ZEKE said...

yea, pacman took a year off to better himself. you left a lot of the story out.

shooter's tour said...

Dave: Are you dumb and blind, or just one or the other? Please expound, sir. Your reference to surfing makes me believe that you are a cracker, or at best, a gringoized mestizo.

NOIS: Well stated, sir. Adam surely is an inspiration to coloreds everywhere. I look forward to the inevitable reactionary backlash from the racist Southern honkie media.

ZEKE said...

"Simply put, this is the greatest piece of written work I have ever laid my eyes on."

nois, stop commenting under fake names! asshole.

ZEKE said...

"Simply put, this is the greatest piece of written work I have ever laid my eyes on."

nois, stop commenting under fake names! asshole.

Stale Variety said...

"'I'm actually taking a class, one class, online. That's about it.'

So, with his commitment to education fully demonstrated..."

Commendable insight, NOIS. As ever, the wisdom of your conclusions enlighten me.

Malcom Hex said...

"Commendable insight, NOIS. As ever, the wisdom of your conclusions enlighten me."

an the wisdom of your wisdom about nois' wisdom continues to make me doubt you have the full compliment of necessary chromosomes.

Stale Variety said...

"an the wisdom of your wisdom about nois' wisdom continues to make me doubt you have the full compliment of necessary chromosomes."

shush now, malcom. no need. I'm only complimenting your hero.

RighteousReasoner said...

Sirs, a quick Google search of "Dallas" and "strip clubs" yields over two million results.

We can only hope the white devils in their cunning ways do not attempt to lure young Brother Pacman to these venues of ill repute in an attempt to tarnish the superior Negro Athlete, as they have countless times already. Resist their forked tongues, my Righteous Negro Brother.

Hilary said...

i'm trying to figure out if this is sarcasm.

RighteousReasoner said...

Ma'am, all I can suggest is you take down that picture

Keven said...

"i'm trying to figure out if this is sarcasm."

you are going to hurt yourself.

Dave the Wave said...

yes, take down that picture.

before some of the dirty minded jigs that frequent this cess pool start leaving you rude comments.

Joshua said...

A white she-devil! Remove her from our august presence before she tempts us!

censored said...

NOIS brilliant post...finally you have awoken to the good work done by Roger Goodell. Forcing those who lack the basic skills to discern right from wrong to reasses things through a forced sabatical. Mr. Goodell has a difficult job, an almost impossible one in fact, of cleaning up a league full of Pacman Jones types.

censored said...

Terrell Owens is now crying tears of joy at the acquistion of Pacman, rather than the tears of man-love he cried for tony romo at the conclusion of their playoff choke last year.

RighteousReasoner said...

Readership:

It is with great joy and zeal that The Righteous Nation awaits the certain demise of the Top 3 media hyped selections made by the racist NFL owners in this years draft. These pasty white boys stand no chance in the NFL after riding the backs of their Negro teammates all through their collegiate careers. So while the white media jumps with joy at these palefaced "athletes", we at The Nation sit back and wait patiently, knowing well that the long term victory will belong to us.

Obama '08.

Keven said...

"It is with great joy and zeal that The Righteous Nation awaits the certain demise of the Top 3 media hyped selections made by the racist NFL owners in this years draft. These pasty white boys stand no chance in the NFL after riding the backs of their Negro teammates all through their collegiate careers. So while the white media jumps with joy at these palefaced "athletes", we at The Nation sit back and wait patiently, knowing well that the long term victory will belong to us.

Obama '08."


homie, your NOIS impression is beyond weak.

RighteousReasoner said...

Brother Keven, the pork you have consumed has diseased your mind.

We can lead you back to the right path. Accept our humble teachings, and you will be saved.

RighteousReasoner said...

Brady Smith of BC has been charged with sexual assault. This is just another example of the damn honkeys doing what they always do, raping and pillaging, while the only image we are shown on television is that of the savage Negro athlete. As expected, the white media has turned a blind eye to this issue, but fear not, this righteous blog will tell you the REAL story.

Keven said...

"Brother Keven, the pork you have consumed has diseased your mind.
"

once again, you steal NOIS' lines. your imitation honestly falls short, man.

RighteousReasoner said...

I thought I had you fooled, my Righteous Brother. Turns out you are more clever than I thought. Perhaps I can offer you a complimentary membership to the 5% club? Trust me, we'll make it worth your while. If sitting around talking shit about whitey sounds like your cup of tea, we welcome you with open arms.

Obama '08

Jeremy said...

Joseph must be blind lol. Just kidding.

Good post!

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Christopher said...

So is the joke that your blog sucks so bad that its supposed to be funny?

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"So is the joke that your blog sucks so bad that its supposed to be funny?"

Sir,

Good one.

We appreciate when someone of your intellect takes the time out of their busy schedule to drop by and leave a poorly written, grammar challenged 'remark'.

Thanks for the attention.

It's what we crave.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Now THAT was hilarious. Great work NOIS. Now only if dave the wave could go back to slobbing the knob and stop commenting on this site...

Is that too much to ask?

ZEKE said...

"
Is that too much to ask?"

so...you want dave to slob your knob?

fag.

Jackin'4Beats said...

No, I want dave to slob your momma's knob...the tranny.

Dave the Wave said...

"No, I want dave to slob your momma's knob...the tranny."

that's cool how jackin' uses '...the tranny' as his sig.