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Wednesday, May 7, 2008

If The Candidate Were A Coach...

College football and presidential politics. Two arenas filled with corruption, empty promises, high hopes, dirty money and politicians.

What if the Obama, Hillary and McCain were college football coaches?

Who would they be?

Half-rican American Barack Obama is the presidential equivalent of former Notre Dame (current U Dub) coach Tyrone Willingham.

Obama burst onto the scene as a man with a vision of renewed hope and dignity. He didn't have a truly measurable track record, but he had a commanding, polished and regal presence that has allowed for a predominantly white electorate to get over their deeply rooted desire to reject him based solely on his fraternally bestowed Negro-ness. Upper middle class and well educated whites have welcomed him with open arms. Coronating him the savior of American politics and warmly wrapping themselves in the comfort of the communication of his positive vision. But, as soon as he mis-steps or doesn't meet the incredibly high standards that will be expected of him; the clamor for his leaving office will be deafening. There will be no margin for error in his term. And, after he is run off, whomever is chosen as his white successor will be given a mandate of a minimum of two terms. Despite the strong possibility that there will be no discernible difference in performance at the time of the mandate. And, certainly, any early success gained by the successor will be attributed to the successor's 'genius'; Obama's contributions will quickly be discounted and he will be labelled as shiftless and lazy.

Hillary Clinton is Nick Saban.

Somehow, Hillary is able to convince herself that what comes out of her mouth is honest and true. Her moral character allows her to easily reshape reality to her personal needs, and her mind believes it. Whether it be NAFTA, snipers or health care; she doesn't bat an eye or hesitate to give the politically expedient and personally beneficial answer or comment. Regardless of what historical documentation of the event says actually happened. In normal life, that is called lying. In college football or politics, that is the ability to spin or sell your program. Hillary's other great talent is to look at the rules, and rather than find ways to comply with them (ie, party tenants for the number of delegates required to win the candidacy and party decisions for states that broke rules), she looks for loopholes in the language that allow her to attempt to gain an advantage over others. Hillary runs an authoritarian regime, emasculating those around her and rarely looks pleased or happy. Such is the life of one who sees every interaction as a power struggle.

John McCain is Mike Price.

Mike Price took a woeful Wazzou program and turned it into a winner. A little older than the average 'hot coach', Price seemed to be earning the chance at a plumb coaching job later in life than many coaches. Given the keys to the storied Alabama program, it turned out that Price simply wasn't a good fit for the 'party'. His 'philosophy' didn't quite match that of his constituents or the other 'party' power brokers. He ended up never coaching a game for the Tide and is now back to having some success in a smaller program with a less 'conservative' philosophy out in the Southwest.

Politicians and college football coaches.

What's the difference?


ZEKE said...

or, you could have said obama is like willingham in that he is only getting a shot at the job cause of his skin color

Malcom Hex said...


Although, I'd go with mccain as bowden. Old and out of touch.

Mack Power said...

hey, ron paul never dropped out!!!

who is he?

Adam Berkowitz said...

Greg Schiano would be Obama 5 years ago in the state senate. Like, yeah, he's at Rutgers now but you know in a few he'll be a big shot somewhere that matters.

nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

"Greg Schiano would be Obama 5 years ago in the state senate. Like, yeah, he's at Rutgers now but you know in a few he'll be a big shot somewhere that matters."

Sir, Schiano withdrew from consideration at Michigan. And previously at the U (Miami).

Our guess?

He is waiting for JoPa to pack it in and will end up at Penn State.

Dirty Sanchez said...

Thanks for the visual of McCain yelling out "Roll Tide Roll" while banging some skanky Alabama stripper.

Keven said...

"Thanks for the visual of McCain yelling out "Roll Tide Roll" while banging some skanky Alabama stripper."


you obviously haven't seen an alabama stripper.


matt said...

Too bad you didn't do this earlier in the campaign when we had a ton of primary candidates.

John Edwards--Karl Dorrell
He's Hollywood (the haircut), but overshadowed in his own party like the Bruins are in their state (SC and Cal). And he got the axe.

Mitt Romney--Jim Tressel
Looks squeaky clean, but there is something about him that you just don't trust. Also couldn't win the big one.

Howard Dean--Ed Orgeron