Rant: Time to 'Crown' King

We certainly aren't the first blog to take umbrage with Peter King's literal concoctions. From his almost always wrong Fantasy Football advice, to near weekly column droppings about calling (insert football player) on his personal cell phone, to his (now, humanely halted) attempts to recommend music to his maddeningly late discoveries of technological advancements and portraying them as if he just stumbled upon something new....clearly, Blogfrica never has been and never will be a fan of SI's Norm Peterson look alike.

But, at this juncture, we feel compelled by the Greatest Power to issue a fatwa on the writings of King.

His unholy writing and treacherous opinions must be mercifully deposed and eradicated. As a peaceful Nation, we do find it to be conflictious of us to advocate violence against the writings of King; but nonetheless, we will be the ones burdened with our veritable hypocrisy.

At times, it is best to accept righteousness for what it is...not what it isn't. We ask our followers at this time to accept this righteous decree and to limber their arms as they pick up stones to follow us as we set forth to punish the column so heinously and infidelically aimed at our faith and our righteous intellect.

Certainly, you ask yourself, what could this creature have possible set forth in written word that could so completely compel such vehement and inarguable opposition? Surely, the rotund curly cue of a 'journalist' couldn't possibly be capable of surprising anyone with a silly comment, a completely wrong prediction or a lame attempt at humor. His mundane language, inept commentary and predicable opinions certainly don't incite the emotions of the rational and righteous. Normally.

But, King has somehow lifted his fat, flat foot and extended it past the line of just being an unimaginative bore. King has insulted Blogfrica on a level that exceeds cartoonish representations of Allah. A level that extends beyond insulting beliefs.

In the past, we've watched King somehow drape himself in a moral cloak fashioned from his muddled view of politics, culture and sports. We've simply shaken our collective heads as a Nation and chalked it up to his being out of touch with pop culture and real politics.

This time, King has somehow sewn his misguided assumptions, desires and view of 'media' into a Baby Huey sized pair of undergarments that barely hold in his ample and dimpled buttocks, as he wags his porcine finger pretending he has any intellectual authority on the subject at hand.

"Want to read an enjoyable blog, a guy who blogs the way blogs were meant to blog? David O'Brien has a great slice-of-spring-training-life in the Atlanta Journal Constitution. Very human, with snippets of how he does his job (not as easy as you think), the music that accompanies him on trips around central Florida chasing the Braves, and the fun scenes he sees -- like the Hooters with the defunct Hooters Motel behind it. "

First, we must stress that in no way should David O'brien's blog or words be inadvertently harmed in the stoning of King's column. O'brien deserve no outrage. He is simply a pawn in the infidelity perpetrated by this ghastly King.

Blog the way blogs were meant to blog? Judgment and direction on blogging apportioned to Blogfrica from..............Peter King?

This contemptuous act, clearly meant as an insult and purposely aimed at anyone who has so much as thought of taking up keyboards and joining NOIS' revolution, can not be allowed to blight the internet. The internet that NOIS has so carefully, righteously and thoughtfully set free under the auspices of our declaration of manifest Blogfrica.

King's words are akin to not simply blasphemy, but an invasion. An invasion of insipid thought, action and words into a wonderfully open and painfully righteous realm. A crusade of darkness and evilishness into a peaceful and enlightened domain.

We beseech each and every reader to take up stones. To follow us to the grotto and to aim their stone at the "Monday Morning QB" column, ejaculated each Monday morning by King. To pull back their arms and force every ounce of righteous intellect they can behind that stone as it powers through the air and impacts the very breath out of the horrid words turned on us by King.

The day the devilishly boring and dinosaurish intellect of a Peter King determines 'the way blogs were meant to blog' is the very day that righteousness on earth shall forever be extinguished by suffocating shackles of status quo and unoriginal thought.

Dear friends and believers....end the tyranny of this fat prophet of Satan by casting your stone at his column until the very last breath of stagnant thought and empty insight is forever crushed under the righteous unity of Blogfrica.


We put our faith in the power above to protect us from this scourge of intellect.