Hockey: Let it Die

White devils on ice. Whirling dervishes on skates. White athletes propelled and assisted by physics to speeds they can not reach on land. The ice. The last refuge and hiding place of the white athlete.

Relegated to minority status in most team sports, the white athlete has retreated to frozen water as a means of preserving his one "major" remaining sports league. Knowing full well the Negro athlete has a traditional distaste for performing on or in water. After all, it was across a great body of water the Negro was shanghaied and stolen.

Two years ago, it looked as if the laws of nature (those same laws which have allowed the original human to survive for greater lengths than any pretender) were going to ring the death knell for hockey. White fans turned their attention elsewhere, not caring. Television networks, including BET, did not care. The only protest wailed from the northern hinterlands of ice and snow. A bastion of white existence. The alabaster minions of the north shed tears for their precious game. Longing to watch the toothless, mulleted "athletes" rely on metal blades for transportation around the ice.

Networks contracted out. Turning the page on hockey without looking back. Finally, the original human athlete had helped close the door on this incidious chapter of sport history. All rested easy in the knowledge that, despite enduring years of bigotry and pseudoathleticism, hockey would be wiped off the sports landscape. Even the white fan appreciated this.

As Negroes, we turned our attention to NASCAR, hoping that Jay-Z or Carmello Anthony would invest in the future of Negro America by developing a racing team to return the world of autoracing to the original human. While our eyes were diverted, the white devil sprung into action.

Hockey players agreed to pay cuts. A new network was conjured to carry the "sport". And, like the rebirthed spawns of satan, the return. Brawling, bearded and unevolved monoliths reappeared from the frozen northern wasteland.

If And-1 Streetball was wiped off the map, do you imagine that their would be a concerted effort to bring it back? Would some made up television network appear to carry the games? Would the street ballas agree to pay cuts? Never!

We have witnessed an unnatural act by the resusitation of hockey. Rest assured tho, brothers and sisters, in the end there is no escaping the laws of nature. As sure as Tiger Woods will tip Jack Nichlaus from throne of golf; our inner strength and devotion to righteousness will in the end reduce hockey to nothing but a bitter memory we will never have to watch again.

Besides, our cable company doesn't carry Versus anyway.