Andy Pettitte: Serpent Tongued He-Devil

As the mainstream media continues the kid gloved handling of the assumed chemically enhanced career of Roger Clemens; Andy Pettitte (Clemens co-cheater and best friend) assaults us with an attempt to distract us from the reality of the situation.

In a steroid/hGH induced version of 'good cop, bad cop', Clemens continues his denials and offensive defense of his 'innocense'. At the same time, Pettite crawls out before the media to provide a self gratifying and distractory mea culpa in which he apologizes for breaking the law and cheating. Begging forgiveness for disgracing the game and his team, offending his fans, and dragging his father (who helped him obtain a scheduled drug) into the sordid affair. Pettitte comes across as contrite and honest.

Someone nominate this man for an Oscar.

Pettitte's attempt to distract us and take the headlines from Clemens is possibly the most transparent ploy we have witnessed. As Pettitte throws himself under the bus and somehow backs it up over and over again across his own hGH laden carcass; the media is letting Clemens get away with the sports equivalent of murder. The intentional and pre-planned assassination of a generation of fans' memories and thrills of the national past time.

The media did it's job in the case of the home run record setter. The posse gathered and strung their rope. Lynching him on circumstantial evidence and heresay. But now, when the culprit is a pitcher (read: white), the tactics have changed.

When the home run hitter's friend wouldn't actively implicate him, the friend was tossed in jail. The media implied that he must be getting some sort of financial reward to keep his mouth shut. That the home run hitter's accomplishments should be expunged from the record books.

Now, the pitcher's friend stands before us, humbled and remorseful. Wanting to cleanse his soul so that he can "sleep better at night" by detailing his sins and clearing his conscience. Open and honest. Even asking reporters, "did I answer your question", numerous times.

But let the line of questioning cross the threshold of the conspiracy's inner most evil, and suddenly the open and honest penance seeker is loathe to continue. Yes, ask him that question that truly matters, and the response and tenor of the conversation change on a dime, "I am not going there."

Mr. Pettitte, despite your carefully crafted plea for forgiveness and imitation of honest undressing of your inner demons, we as a sports Nation cannot (and will not) allow you the comfort of a restful night's sleep. We pray that your conscience continue to provide you with a heavy, heavy burden. That each time you close your eyes, or so much as blink, they burn. By the Great Power may your eyes roast in the fires of infidelity.

Until the time you can find it within your soul to embark on the righteous course, you shall be a pariah of the sports Nation.

Only on that day in which you confide in the sporting public the righteous truth; that YES, your friend Roger Clemens injected into the body our maker did provide him synthetic hormones in an effort to extend his talent, career and legacy. Only on that day shall you be free of the loathesome weight you carry around your neck. Only on that day shall the eyes of the sports Nation gaze upon you again.

Your attempts to shine the spotlight on your own sins so as to allow your pitcher friend to scurry in the shadows like a rat in a dark alley shall be your ticket to damnation.

And may all the accusers of the home run hitter be there with you should they not demand the placement of an asterisk next to those 300+ wins.